"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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