sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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