part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
