Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
