Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
