I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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