I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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