White coat. Heels.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
