I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
