he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
