I can tuck mytits in my pants
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
