ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Randomize
