She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
