I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
