I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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