if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
