he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
