I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
