I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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