it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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