it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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