all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
