you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
