i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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