He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
