11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
