dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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