Can Purell be used as lube?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
