dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
