see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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