Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
