Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
