walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
