wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
