She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
