Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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