Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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