she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
