i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
