oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
