HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
