I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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