theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
