You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
