If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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