I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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