Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
