Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
