No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
