I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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