Say something about gay babies.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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